Monthly Archive for August, 2008

*Sunday* Aug 31, 2008
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Hrmph.

I cannot believe I cried over the phone while talking to Jake. We weren’t fighting or anything of that sort, it was because I was upset about something, someone. Plus maybe I was also missing my mom. I know I said to myself that I’ve grown accustomed to mom not being around, but I guess because she spent three weeks here made me miss her more. LOL! That’s okay. But actually, I also cried the night she was leaving, although it was more because the thought of having to put up with my brother’s irresponsibility frustrated me. My brother got an earful from my mom after that. Aw, she’s the best. Haha!

But yesterday, it was about my Lola. It’s just that she had been calling me for I think 3 or 4 days, telling me to do stuff. There was this one main thing she was focusing on though. Well that day, it was too much! She called non-stop on my cellphone, our house phone, left me messages and all that, and she sounded mean. I don’t hate my Lola but she can really throw hurtful words. The fact that we’re not that close because I didn’t grow up with her made things worse. Plus, it didn’t sound like she was asking me to do these things, rather commanding me, like telling me how to live my life. She tells me that “this is my advise to you” but the way she said it was more like “this is what you should do or else you’re a big disappointment to this family.”

I know she’s my grandma and that I should respect family, and I do, but I really really really hate it when people push things on me. I mean, they have their lives and I have mine, I’ll let them do whatever they want and I hope they let me do what I want. Live and let live. Giving and receiving advices is generally good, but please do not push it onto others like it’s a golden rule they have to abide or else they’re doomed. Jeesh, it’s my life, I’m the one who’s going to die with it. I’m the one who’s going to have all the regrets if I fail on something. Worry about me but don’t try and put strings on me and run my life like I’m a stupid marionette. Try to correct me if I’m doing anything immoral, although that is also subjective. Damn it. I hate talking about this because it should be common sense not to get in anyone’s business.

BUT OKAY… maybe in the old days, maybe maybe maybe… parents were too controlling so I just got to understand that. BUT!!!! I do not live in the old days!

Oh god this is frustrating me even more. I thought I’ll feel better putting all this down but it’s just building up more. I haven’t cried like this since… well, since I convinced myself of leading a stoic life. LOL! STOIC my ass! This is making me go crazy.



*Tuesday* Aug 26, 2008
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It’s raining again.

I drove my mom to the airport earlier, and it was raining; I’m so glad we didn’t get into any accidents. I hate driving in the rain. But anyway, I hope Mom enjoys her two-month vacation in the Philippines. I pray for a safe trip, taking off and landing, because my sister said that they’re getting a storm over there. Turbulence will be so bad, jeeze.

Change of topic, I miss Jake. *sniff* I know I just hung out with him last weekend, but I miss him… and his fluffy hair. LOL!



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